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This is a thread dedicated to anything about Chuck Norris, humor is intended but not necessary (I can't imagine what else could involve Chuck Norris though). Any Chuck Norris jokes you've made up or want to share, please post.

Here's a few of my favories:

-Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
-If Indiana Jones and Han Solo got ina fight who would win? Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
-Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight... not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark... but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris humor is one of those "if you have to ask you'll never know." I first discovered how funny Chuck Norris was about 8 years ago when I was in high school when I stumbled upon the movie "Sidekicks." If you don't find him funny just go to www.chucknorris.com, go to blockbuster and do some discovery for yourself... I'm sure you'll probably agree.

I do, however have to praise him for how he deals with people finding him funny. Instead of taking it personally and whining like all celebrities seem to, he takes it in stride, chuckles about it (http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx), goes on Conan and makes a joking show with him, and moves on with his life. You'd think more people at that level could ignore people having their own harmless fun on the internet and realize that they still have a 7 figure bank account.

DaCapn

Chuck Norris jokes are pretty much the same as Vin Diesel ones--I really don't understand the purpose behind them :/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris_Facts

Isn't Chuck Norris gay

sarius wrote:Isn't Chuck Norris gay

The same can be said for 4-word responses that don't contribute to the topic

i dont really see anything good about this i mean who cares really, lol, Dacap, but Samppa is right....

Like I said, with Chuck Norris, if you have to ask you'll never know. Clearly SOME people care as this thread has gotten views... It really can't be compared to any other celebrity jokes either. Maybe Celebrity Jeopardy on SNL comes close with the Sean Connery/Alex Trabek dynamic. Even if many people in this community don't really care, a lot of people outside it do (http://chucknorrisfacts.com/). That site has some favorite picks of Chuck Norris, himself by the way.

DaCapn

When I saw the topic, I thought to myself "Oh god, this had better be a joke". Luckily it was. Thanks for the laugh.


Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris does not have to mow his lawn. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, unless Chuck Norris is on the other side. Then it's covered in blood.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Plenty more at http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/page1.html

i'm tired to see chuck norris name everywhere

snailian: nice, I hadn't seen many of those before.

Does anyone else think that he kind of looks like a character from the simpsons?

I found another that I really like, might be my new favorite:
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding

DaCapn

hi,

this is chuck norris posting under a pseudonym. no, im not gay. and yes, i did audition for brokeback mountain but i was turned down on the grounds that i was too hot. now please stop with the bullshit and buy yourself a chuck norris poster today!

so long

chuck.

hey chuckles

i heard they turned u down cos the horses were 'fraid of you "riding" them.

lol Chuck Norris
He is cool in Walker - Texas Ranger but since Im a watcher of the Commercial TV channel I watch him all the time promoting work out things... he is too commercial I think

Andy

Two of my favorite ones are:

When chuck norris jumps in the ocean, he doesnt get wet the water gets chuck norris.

and

One time I was out drinking with chuck norris, and after not finding a bar suited for Chuck we arrived at an empty lot. Chuck Norris said "We'll wait here" and we waited and sure enough in a year a bar was built around us. We went inside and Chuck Norris ordered a shot drank it and burned the place to the ground.

"I always leave a place the way I found it" he said.

~c

Chuck Norris makes Jesus weep.

"When Chuck Norris writes in C, it always compiles the first time."

Tried this one on a bunch of non-nerds, results were terrible :/